


Moondust and Words

by burstingin2life



Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)
Genre: Cuddling & Snuggling, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, FitzSimmons - Freeform, Fluff, Light Angst, Panic Attack, They talk, bedroom fluff, but mostly its careful and kind, fitz is always there for simmons, sometimes its awkward, there's feelings, trigger warning
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-29
Updated: 2015-11-29
Packaged: 2018-05-03 23:45:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,386
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5311616
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/burstingin2life/pseuds/burstingin2life
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"She’d invited him to her bunk so that they might have their dinner peacefully, and enjoy each other’s company like they used to before this whole mess happened. They really hadn’t properly talked in so long that she felt like she’d have to force any attempt at a conversation tonight.</p>
<p>Trying to still herself she sat on her bed, but continued to play with her fingers as she’d so often seen him do. There was no reason in her mind to worry, yet she couldn’t help but feel anxious."</p>
<p>Simmons misses Fitz. She misses how close they used to be. Maybe tonight she can finally work things out so she invites him to have dinner with her. Just the two of them. In her bunk away from distractions.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Moondust and Words

**Author's Note:**

> The title was inspired by the songs Moondust by Jaymes Young and Words by Hawk Nelson which I both listened to frequently while writing this.
> 
> I wrote this a little while ago, around 3x02 I think. I'd started writing it before we saw Jemma's bedroom so I changed a bit of the description around when we did actually see it, though it still might not be as accurate. I also thought about writing more to it but I'm not completely sure if there was more I could add. Set somewhere before the ending of season 2.
> 
> Trigger warning for panic attacks.

Jemma stood there wringing her hands, clenching and unclenching her fingers, hoping to staunch the flow of worry that washed over her. She ran her tongue over her lips. The prospect of seeing Fitz soon caused her stomach to knot. Lately he’d been acting distant to her. He seemed stressed which was only logical, given that Hydra was still out there, and the thought of the impending attacks made the lab working environment rather difficult to cope with. The team was out there on the hunt, and they all had faith that their missions would be successful but those in the lab needed a break from their work; a distraction to at least to ease the tension that was practically oozing from the walls around the base. She’d invited him to her bunk so that they might have their dinner peacefully, and enjoy each other’s company like they used to before this whole mess happened. They really hadn’t properly talked in so long that she felt like she’d have to force any attempt at a conversation tonight.

Trying to still herself she sat on her bed, but continued to play with her fingers as she’d so often seen him do. There was no reason in her mind to worry, yet she couldn’t help but feel anxious. What would they discuss? How long would he stay? Should she at least brush her hair to make herself look tidier? Pondering that thought, she ran a hand through the ends hoping it didn’t appear too dishevelled. Amidst her thoughts there was a tap at the door followed by a slight creak as it was pushed open. She glanced up suddenly to see Fitz there, clutching a paper bag, presumably of food.

“D’you mind if I come in? I wasn’t sure if-“, he started.

“Oh no it’s fine,” she leapt to her feet, perhaps a little too eagerly, and moved to hold the door for him. “I was just waiting- um not that you were late because I said whenever you’d finished working. I was just thinking- about things… but never mind you’re here now.” She stumbled over her sentences, trying and failing to sound calm. He gave a slight smile while she mentally took a breath. She wondered if he’d heard her pacing just a few moments ago. “Sorry, of course you can come in.” The smile still lingered on his mouth as he stepped past her. He seemed much more relaxed than her so perhaps she needed a moment to help her breathe easier. As she pushed the door shut with a click she felt slightly more composed. He always seemed to have a calming presence.

“I hope I brought enough,” he called over his shoulder, setting himself down at the foot of her bed. He kicked off his shoes while she sat opposite him and got comfortable against the headboard.

“I’m sure it will be. What did you bring?” The last time she ate seemed like such a long time ago now.

“Just some ravioli. I didn’t want to spend too much time cooking.”

“Fitz you cooked? You know you didn’t have to.” She was touched by the gesture but already she felt like any effort was unneeded. He handed her a container that he’d packed the pasta into. It was still warm and the sensation further soothed her.  
“I know you said not too but I wanted to.” He said with a half-smile. Really he shouldn’t have though. He’d been staying up late in the lab to the point that whenever she looked across the workbench at him, his moves had become languid with exhaustion.

She took in his soft features with a grateful smile as he handed her a fork. “Thank you. I really appreciate it.”

Conversation came slowly and lacking fervour but eventually they settled on topics that came naturally in discussion to them. She complimented him on the food and he carried on with how his mum would show him how she made his favourites at dinner. They lingered in the past for a while, reminiscing about their academy days and laughing. When the subjects started to die down they’d clean up in between mumbles of thought and changes in topic. This was nice, just perfect ignorant bliss. Something that hadn’t happened in what like seemed forever. Positions changed frequently on her bed and the quilt became wrinkled and creased. The lamp from the night stand emitted a dull light across the room and small shadows danced at the window near Jemma’s bed.

“It’s raining.” She drew her knees up to her chest in a loose hug and glanced out at the darkness. “Makes me think of home.”

“Yeah I suppose it does,” he said as he followed her gaze.

She felt a slight twinge in her chest and looked back at him. Suddenly a familiar scene played in her head, of them down in the depths, watching the water through the glass. Her chest tightened as she remembered the feel of the water swallowing them up as she fought for breath. She could feel it happening again. A slight gasp and it was like slow burn that danced behind her sternum. Her eyes began to cloud and sting as the felt the tightness spread. Not now, why did it have to happen now? She saw the flicker of concern in his eyes as he reached a hand out to her.

“Jemma, what is it?” His fingers brushed her bicep and when she didn’t flinch, he pressed his palm flat against her and slid it up to her back.

“Nothing, it’s-“, she felt tremors climb through her muscles. Everything was tight. Tears were already spilling from her eyes as she tried to get her lungs to work. _Breathe_ she told herself, _you need to breathe_. Her heart thumped harder with every attempt at inhalation and she broke into heavy sobs, gasping in between. She was trying to focus but all she could think about was the feeling that suddenly she needed to get out. Panic was overwhelming her senses and she could barely make out his voice.

“Just breathe. You’re alright.” Sobs still choked out in half breaths and the trembling irritated her stomach. It was sickening and painful. Fear trickled over her and it felt like the walls were shifting, trapping her under the water. Fitz, sitting to her left, gently drew her away from the headboard she had unknowingly started pressing herself against. His free hand was intertwined with her own, softly squeezing in reassurance while the other rubbed her back soothingly.

“Jemma, I’m here okay?” She didn’t look up through the tears but she nodded slightly, clenching her jaw. “Talk to me. Take a deep breath and focus on something else. Tell me something you can see.”

It took some inner strength but she carefully drew in a breath. Her gaze shifted to the hand he had clasped in his own.“My hand. I see my hand.” Her voice trembled and the tightness remained.

“Okay good. Now another breath and let it out slowly.” He gave her hand another squeeze as she inhaled. “You feel that?” Still looking at the blurry sight of their hands she nodded. Slowly relaxing her lungs in exhale the tightness began to unclench in her chest.

“Tell me something else. I’m right here okay, just keep taking deep breaths.” There was a warmth at her spine that travelled upwards. Maybe it was his hand. But maybe it was her nerves leaving false sensations. She leaned back slightly and the pressure felt solid.

“Sorry, I thought it would calm you.”

“No it’s okay,” her voice still came through broken and wet. “It helps.” The strokes continued over her shoulder blade. “Chest of drawers, I see that. There’s a perfume bottle too.”

“You’re doing good.”

“It’s my favourite. You told me it reminded you of home. It smelt like the flower garden your mum had by the kitchen window when you were a kid.”

Fitz gave a small smile. “You remember that? I think I told you that while we were still in the academy.”

“I didn’t forget.” A beat, a moment of silence and she finally lifted her gaze and wiped her eyes.

“Do you have these... panic attacks often? I used to have them all the time when I was first adjusting to my injury.”

“Not usually. They often come when I allow myself to be still and quiet.” She allowed herself another moment to take a breath. ”I can’t stand the night anymore.” Her voice cracked and Fitz drew his arm around her shoulders, pulling her against him. She rested her head in the crook of his neck. He was warm and solid and smelled invitingly pleasant like sandalwood.

“I was the same. But it was all the time. Even in the lab. I was distant and what I really needed was someone to talk to.”

She lifted her head and turned to look at him again. “Fitz, I’m really sorry again, about all of that. I should have-“

“Jemma, it’s okay now. You were only doing what you thought was best, you keep saying. But what I mean is you know you don’t have to feel alone. It’s okay to struggle- and that’s coming from experience that took me a long time to accept.”

She pursed her lips and looked away. “I don’t want to admit it to myself but it’s hard. You more than anyone know that. I don’t feel right.” His hand found hers again and loosely held it, his thumb stroking her knuckles.

“Entropy.”

“What?” she frowned.

“Clausius stated in the second law of thermodynamics when a system is isolated the entropy increases, it becomes more chaotic. Think of this like that. Don’t isolate yourself. Let me help you.” His reassurance was cathartic.

“You know, we’re kind of broken, you and I. And that’s okay…”

“Yeah.” He bent his head forward slightly until she looked up. “We’re going to be okay together. Better, like we’ve always been.”

A smile broke across her face. He always knew the right things to say and she was glad for his friendship after all these years. They were finally rebuilding themselves together, picking up the pieces of all the struggles that tore them down and making something right again. It cut her deep to think about the last few months when they were both so far apart. Fitz had put a wall between them and as close as she could get to him, she was still unable to touch him, unable to fix him. It was more vestigial now but it had hurt just as much as any physical pain. She drew on her lip with her teeth and let her gaze wander away again. Fitz must have seen the guilt creep onto her face. He pulled her into another hug, this time tighter. Jemma fell against him easily with silent acquiescence. Everyone had always said they could read each other’s mind.

The loss of his touch was almost immediate as he stood, awkwardly gesturing towards the door. “I might go back to my room and try to get some sleep.”

“I hope this isn’t too much to ask,” Maybe it was. Maybe he’d be reluctant, “but would you stay with me? It’s okay if you don’t want to I just-“

“Yeah, ‘course I’ll stay with you.” There wasn’t any hesitation.

“You sure?”

“Jemma, I’m sure. I’ll stay.”

Shuffling under the blankets she turned to see Fitz pulling a chair up beside the bed, unfolding a quilt as he did so.  
“Fitz, what are you doing?”

“Err making myself comfortable?”  


“You’re not actually going to sleep in a chair are you?”

“I thought that much was obvious. Where else am I going to sleep?”

She pulled back the blanket with one arm and he blinked, mouth slightly agape. Maybe it was a bad idea.

“I’m not sure I’ll fit there,” he started. “Your bed’s kind of small.”

“We’ve slept in the same bed before. It’s not a big deal.”

“Yeah but that one was bigger. It catered for two people.” Always pointing out the obvious.

“You’ll fit. Or would you rather sleep in the chair and wake up with more aches than that time you fell out of a tree, trying test the gravitational properties of an apple falling in different weather conditions.”

“Okay but Robbie Miller made a bet. He had this theory…” She raised an eyebrow at his feeble attempt to defend his hypothesis. “…but I know now he was just trying to wind me up because he knew I was going to try and prove him wrong. Alright I see your point.” He sighed defeatedly and lifted the blanket to climb in next to her “You better not hit me in the face again.”

“That was one time.” She interjected as he got comfortable. Their shoulders and legs pressed together tightly, almost uncomfortably. “We’re going to have to spoon aren’t we?”

“What?” His head flung in the direction of hers with such force that he definitely could have sprained something.

“Well it might be slightly more comfortable I mean. We won’t feel as squashed towards the edge.” Still keeping her composure she turned her head. “It was just a thought.”

Fitz held his gaze to hers steadfast but panic started to cloud them. A proximity such as this wasn’t something either of them were used to but Jemma was holding herself together much better than she anticipated. There was a time that Fitz mistakenly discovered she was ticklish and would give a soft jab to her side when he saw that she was pouting just to hear her laugh. She’d swat his hand away and he would grin like a mischievous child. Though of course he knew the times absolutely not to do that. Reassure her when she was frustrated, bring her tea when she having a long night staying up in the lab, rubbing her back when she was sick, comforting embraces during hard times. He could read her like a book and she missed that the most when they were distant from one another, both physically and emotionally.

“Umm… yeah I could do that.” Slightly ambivalent she observed. Well she couldn’t help but hear the wavering in his voice.

“Fitz really, you know you don’t have to. I’m not going to get hurt feelings.” She chuckled at almost how ridiculous that sounded. Their shoulders were still touching in a comforting burn.

“No, it’s okay, really. Like you said we’ll be less likely to fall out of the bed.” He was slightly surer of himself this time.

“Alright.” She smiled gently hoping he didn’t feel too tense. “You need to turn on your side and face me.”

“I do know the process, Jemma.” He mumbled as they both turned. She slid back until she could feel his chest against her. At that she heard his breath hitch. Maybe she was enjoying this just a little. Anticipation rolled over her as she lifted a hand and reached back towards him.

“Give me your arm.” It was spoken nonchalantly and he obliged placing his wrist within her grasp. It was warm against her abdomen as she pulled it around her. Something about having him so close was consoling this way, like she was protected from so much more than her thoughts. Fatigue began to envelope her senses as her eyes slipped shut. “Goodnight Fitz.”

“Goodnight Jemma.”

How long she’d slept she wasn’t sure but it was still dark and her face was wet, eyes burning. Panic; the familiar feeling flowed through her while she tried to catch her breath. “Jemma, it’s okay, I’m here.” Her senses slowly came to and she realised that she was now sitting, pressed into Fitz’s chest, his hand cradled her head gently. Gradually her breathing became less erratic and she spoke.

“I’m sorry for waking you Fitz.” She pulled back and realising she couldn’t see his face, pressed a hand to his shoulder and squeezed gently before dropping it back to her lap. He reached behind him and flicked on the lamp. He must have turned it off as she slept. Dull light cascaded across his features when he turned back to her.

“It’s okay. I said I wasn’t leaving and I didn’t.” His voice was sincere. “You were having a nightmare. Are you feeling any better? I could get you some water?”

“No, it’s okay.” She shook her head with downcast eyes. There was still a slight tendril of distress fluttering behind her sternum. She glanced up again. “Why are you like this to me?”

“I’m not sure I underst-“

“You’re still here. I mean I’m not complaining but you hated me several months ago and I still feel terrible about everything. I wasn’t here for you when you needed me most and I should have. You’ve been through a lot and I don’t want you to think I abandoned you- I never wanted you to feel that way. I want to be here for you to. I can’t let you be this nice to me if I can’t do something for you now.”

“Jemma please, it’s okay now. I care about you.” He reached a hand up but hesitated before dropping it back as she continued, tears welling.

“I need you to know that I really do care about you too and that during my whole time undercover I was worried about you. I couldn’t even call to see how you were coping with everything or to let you know that I was okay too. I missed you. That whole time. And then when I got back you saw me as someone different, I couldn’t get close to you anymore. I hated it but I understand. Please stop being strong for the both of us and let me help you through it too. Let me be here for you.”

“Okay.” It was soft and sincere. A few stray tears spilt and ran down her face. He gingerly lifted a hand to cup her jaw, gently pressing fingers to her cheek as he wiped them away.

“You’ve always been here for me even when I couldn’t see it. I'm sorry for pushing you away. You helped me and motivated me during my recovery. I just imagined you by my side and it was the only thing that helped. You’re always with me so don’t feel like you weren’t. You’re the voice in my head.”

She sniffled and another tear slid down her cheek. “Fitz…”

“Yeah?”

A quick glance at his mouth and she could feel herself leaning closer. She moved slowly so he had time to stop this if he wanted. He didn’t. Once their lips touched it was like something exploded, rushing through her veins just making her feel alive. Her hands crept up his neck and curled in his hair. It was tender and gentle, not quite how she’d imagined but better. He was careful with her in so many ways; moving slowly at first, bringing his other hand up to her jaw, and pressing lightly against her skin. He tilted her head slightly and deepened the kiss, pouring himself into it. Hands sliding down her back, drawing them closer together. Her lips moved with his softly, tasting him more than she ever thought. They pulled apart slowly, savouring each touch as much as they could. His hands gradually slipped away from her as they breathed each other in, foreheads pressed together for an extra moment. The space as they finally lent back felt almost incongruous. 

Jemma looked up into his gaze which was so incredibly adoring she felt like he could just shatter with a touch.

“This is where I want to be. Not just a voice in your head but really here with you. This is home to me.”

He moved his hands through the hair at her temple and she leaned into his touch. She closed her eyes, allowing herself to get lost in the sensation.

“I could never let you go, Jemma,” he breathed against her. “Now let me show you again.” And his lips found hers again. The night was seemingly endless to them as they lay there intertwined with each other, whispering promises and drawing constellations on skin.


End file.
